dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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