woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Houston, we have a blender
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
