in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize