so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
