My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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