Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am midnight drunk by noon
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
