Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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