but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
this just has baby written all over it
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
