Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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