He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
