I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
