Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
