Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
