New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
