this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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