Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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