dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
