Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
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Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
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I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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