Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
When are your genitals available?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
