I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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