I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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