Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
