Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
