I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
