My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence