i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?