You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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