Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful