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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them

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• (585): View more from New York

  She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?

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• (954): View more from Florida

  malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?

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• (731): View more from Tennessee

  You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!

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• (772): View more from Florida

  I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You just wanted to meet firemen

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.

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