He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.