What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
