Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
