Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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