i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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