I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
