Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
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I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
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I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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