dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
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We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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