My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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