Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
