So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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