Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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