never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
