every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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