if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
