I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
