U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
