Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
