Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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