I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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