That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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