We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
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I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
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You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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