You were right. It hurts to walk today.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
