Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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