Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
