It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
