I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
