Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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