His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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