There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
