it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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