there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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