It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
