dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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