So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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