I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
