i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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