I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
