I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i've created a new STD.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
