I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
