we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
