he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize