I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
