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• (816): View more from Missouri

  normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  there was a trapeze. enough said

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral

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• (281): View more from Texas

  It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.

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• (626): View more from California

  Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.

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• (315): View more from New York

  Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack

  (1-315): View more from New York

  This is why I love you...

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy

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