Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
