Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
