I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
