We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
