There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took my balls.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize